Antidepressent Festival...Happening

We here at Nosedive Central are waiting to find out the specific dates that Infectious Opportunity will be playing at the Brick's Antidepressant Festival while I continue to write Anton Craven's Ghastly Scheme (zoinks!) in the hopes that I can send the folks in the Gods of Fire a draft that's at least 75% completed (with the remaining 25% of the story mapped out so they can see where I'm going with this silliness). It's my first musical, so we'll see how this goes (although, Seth did say they were looking for someone who had no experience — or interest, really — in writing musical theatre).

And on an unrelated note, I was finally able to see the magnificent batshit retardation that is M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening last night (featuring, oddly enough, Nosedive vet Don Castro as the dead cop you see on the back of the DVD and in all the trailers). There were a number of times where I needed assurances from my sister that I was indeed seeing what I thought I was seeing. ("Are...are they really running from the wind?" "Is...Marky Mark talking to a plastic plant?" "Am I hallucinating this crazy old woman they're staying with?") It's truly amazing: if you haven't seen it, it feels like it's made by someone who's a.) never made a movie, b.) never seen a movie, and c.) never spoken to another human being in 20 years. For a group of people facing what could be a series of terrorist attacks happening...

(Seriously, folks, don't make a drinking game out of every time someone in the movie says, "Happening." You'll need to be checked into the hospital for alcohol poisoning before the end of the second reel.)

...everyone seems pretty placid. It's as if Shyamalan kept going, "Less...less!" to the actors after every take, until their line readings were no more than half-hearted mumbled whispers, then went, "Perfect! Print that shit!"

What's also amazing is that even his typically good filming abilities are absent here. Even his shittier movies are at least shot well (although the big reveal of the aliens in Signs is a huge letdown, that shot where Mel Gibson drags the television into the living room and you see the alien in the reflection of the TV screen is pretty kick-ass). Not this. There isn't a single moment of suspense or tension (in a movie billed as a thriller!).

What the hell is going on with Shyamalan? I mean, this guy used to make good movies (I'll even go on the record as owning, and being a big fan of, Unbreakable). Has he just teetered off into the brink of madness, never to return? It's looking like the thoroughly toxic receptions from public and critics alike towards The Village and The Lady in the Water have only strengthened his resolve. Is he even aware that he's gone from revered A-list director to walking punch line?

Anyway, if you're in the mood for having a huge laugh at one of the most surreal wastes of time and money committed to celluloid in modern film history, you could do well to check out The Happening.

Running from the wind,

James "Plant Whisperer" Comtois